Chill Fingers of Yew

I remember, when I was around 20 and hopelessly in love, that one should grow out of unrequited love and that by the time you are 30 it should be a thing of the past. But here is something unexpected. What does love require: nothing, nothing at all. Reminds me of a song by The Talking Heads:

It's hard to imagine that nothing at all
could be so exciting, could be so much fun.

So nothing at all is exactly what I was looking for. And it has brought me so much joy. It would never have worked any other way. I'm so happy that you had nothing to give me. I'm so happy that you gave me nothing at all.

Swept Away

You are beautiful and I love you. I want to express my deep, sincere gratitude. Being in love with you enabled me to transcend some serious obstacles. My life had become broken, enchained in noxious habits. They were poisoning my life and strangling the natural joy. I had tried to end them, but each attempt seemed to end in failure. They distracted me, they consumed my attention and provided me with no happiness; they were sources of regret and shame. Yet I could not seem to get free of them.

But this love changed all the rules. Being in love with you changed the game entirely. Shortly after falling in love with you I abruptly changed course and direction. And it was easy and natural. Things which I couldn’t stop doing before I met you I couldn’t stand doing after opening my heart to your beauty. Having this love for you inside me, I didn’t like those cravings being a part of me at all.

Love is the fabric of the universe. Love is what saves us. How can I thank you enough.

A Rose is just a Rose

The feeling and expression of gratitude is one of the most heavenly experiences. The expression of gratitude is similar to a request for forgiveness in that the reason must be named in order for the expression to take on its full weight. And so I know that if I want to express my gratitude I must describe that for which I am so grateful. Thus, the point of these words: to describe where my feeling of gratitude come from. I understand that you had no intent and no desire to do anything out of the ordinary which might cause me feelings of gratitude. And so I’m not thanking you for anything you did. I’m not thanking you for any action or intent. When you are touched by the beauty of a rose, and it brightens the day, you can say thanks to the rose even though the rose was just being a rose. I know that you were just being yourself. But thank you for that. It brightened the day. It carried the black cloud away.

God Loves Me when I Dance

The one thing I would love to be able to describe is how I felt in your class. Being in your class made exercise into one of the most beautiful things I have experienced. Just that, all by itself would have been enough to justify all of my feelings. Just that made being around you a good, healthy thing. Two years when exercise, good hard exercise, was a spectacular, joyful experience is worth a lot.

Your class was dancing. I always felt that. And it was dancing with you. I know that others called it something else. I know that you weren’t thinking of me. And I know that other people showed up. But none of that mattered. For me there were just three things that counted: the music, the movement and you. Those were the magic ingredients. They combined to create the perfect mixutre of rythmn and tone. And I was so happy being there. Heaven is just like that.

Again, I have to say, that I know you didn’t have any feelings for me. The interesting thing about Joy and Love is that they happen within the soul and it doesn’t really matter what other people think or do.